Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
