all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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