Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize