I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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