Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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