Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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