I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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