I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
