You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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