oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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