im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
