just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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