dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
