How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
