He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
