Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Semen is not good for contacts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
