called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
