READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
