Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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