It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
