Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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