he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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