So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
