I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like, not good at living.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
