he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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