3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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