It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
