If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
