Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize