He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
