i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
