I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
