atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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