tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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