i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
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Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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