dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
