Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
