Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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