Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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