then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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