I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
