You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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