I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
