So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
