i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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