god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
