so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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