I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
