sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We left an ass print on the piano.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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