There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
