genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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