Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
