WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
