A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
