dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
