Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
