if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
