oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
