I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
