and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
