Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
