I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
