So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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