it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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