His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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