he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
