the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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