This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just puked most of my soul out..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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