i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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