if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
