Can i not drive my cunt home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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