I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
