Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
