Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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