Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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