I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
