I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
