If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sex in a hospital.. check
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
