We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
