i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can't put those talents on a resume
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
